Blowing out the Candle

(Renaming one of my Support Pages  "From Healing from Birth Family Rejection to Moving on from Birth Families Bad Attitude)
 

 When I looked at the title I originally named this page, I found that Healing and rejection were two very strong words, which said enough, to myself , my mind and my heart and then I began to believe I was no good and deserved being rejected and then I needed to be healed.

By saying those words to my brain and heart not only allowed me to lower my self esteem but allowed my three sisters to use and abuse my heart.

Yes I was the one one searched and as I was told disrupted their little fragile worlds, but I was the one who searched

I was the one who cared enough to find you and want to meet you and want to include you in my life and some how in my family life. But you gave me attitude for 20 years.

My Bsis Mare was the best, and still does it, spews her opinion, and then hides , blocking phone, fb letters, etc, leaving me holding the proverbial shit in the bag.

She in turn taught that all too well to my other birth sister leslie, I can't even begin to explain the crap that was thrown my way, the rules the regulations the times I was allowed to call, she call me her sister but I was not allowed to call on "Family Night" give me a good swift kick in the ass. Why did I allow myself to be treated with mixed messages.

Then Comes Carol who follows them . I gave this girl alone in the past few months things from my home when she lost her home to fire boxes each week, of everything I could and I'm fighting foreclosure, and she followed their lead, which is fine, giving for me comes easy, I'd do if for a complete stranger, who in fact would treat me better and not expect me to change of be some one I'm not.

That too is my fault, I grew up an only child wishing for a sister and a brother that I was so happy to finally find one, that I hit what I thought were my bad traits just to be accepted.

Last weekend my brother died, and all three of them could not care that I was truly grieving his loss, my heart was broke for me not Cliff call it selfish but I still wanted him around. I was harassed, blocked and kicked to the curb

I don't do well with these girls in my life, I spent a great deal of time and money searching for them but I think when we were kids we went as far as we could, we can't go any further if in 20 years it's the same crap It will be in another 20!

This is my way of blowing out the candle

Poof, gone the smoke is rising



I know there is my truth their truth and then their is the real truth, but I've got to fly away!

No regrets or anger, well some anger but it will dissipate just like the smoke from a blown out candle